Tried to make mom friends and had no luck?
Anyone else prisoner to their thoughts? Desiring to be the best friend they can be but secretly scared they’ll never be enough?
Clicked instantly with other moms, or just friends in general, exchange numbers, followed by a downhill slope of text messages and missed calls?
Why is it so hard to make mommy friends? Or to make friends as a mom?
some say the digital age has millennials specifically disconnected and even trapped (curiousapes). Some say it even causes social anxiety that makes it impossible to be real in person. Yet, there are other reasons, specifically for the millennial mom, that make friendships difficult (not impossible- it can be done! And we’ll talk about that later).
Socially Anxious Millennial Mama
This is definitely MY biggest problem.
Feeling like I’m not doing enough as a friend, holding myself to standards that secretly I wish someone lived up to themselves, perceiving that others think negatively of me, etc.
this causes me to 1) connect with many many people but only go deep with a few (those willing to tear down barriers) 2) stop reaching out 3) become extremely introverted.
Expectations: too high, too soon.
What I think contributes most to my social anxiety (if that’s even what it really is) is high expectations. Many mamas have expectations of others (and self) that may be far reaching and may come too soon in a new friendship.
one of the biggest expectations is the pressure to find that “life-long” mommy buddy or “soul sister” (or which I am guilty of). Not everyone is meant to be this type of friend, sometimes people are seasonal; and we, as moms, have hard times discerning the difference (I’m sure others do to).
Another expectation is for this new mommy friend to be available , like completely , to us. Most people have lives that don’t revolve around their friends. Then, mommy’s in particular, have lives that revolve around family. It’s fairly difficult to drop everything when a friend is in need, and mommy’s shouldn’t be expected to.
Mommy socializing time is very limited. So it’s difficult to squeeze in friend dates, on top of play dates, doctors appointments, work, etc.
How Can the Millennial Mom Make Friends?
Consistency is key. Sometimes we’re waiting on someone else to make the first move when maybe that’s something we can do. Initiate a convo, play date or time together.. and remain consistent about it. Consistently doesn’t mean constantly, so don’t be annoying, but be intentional about reaching out to your friends.
If you don’t have the time, say that. If you only have two minutes to talk but really wanted to see how your friend was doing, be real about it. It’s so much easier to just say what’s real and honest then to try to keep up with some facade you can’t manage.
Lower your expectations
This may sound kind of weird, but lower the expectations you have or others, and yourself.
You can’t do it all and neither can your mommy friends. And that’s okay. It may also be a good idea to talk about your love language, how do you like to be loved and cared for, and vice versa for your new mommy friend.
Stop looking for your life-long bestie
Preaching to the choir (or to myself should I say) on this one. We need to stop thinking everyone is going to be here forever and focus on the moment. Just worry about today and being a friend today and not hand what ten years will look like.
Put down the phone Millennial mama
When in person with your friends, it’s tempting to capture every moment on social media . I know for me I just I want people to know I’m still social, still “hip” and that I’m a good friend. We need to stop tying to capture every moment and live in it.
Also, spend time with the friend you’re with, not your phone… it’ll be there later. Put it down!
Hopefully these few tips help, even with just one mommy friend!
Comment, let’s dialogue , about your experience and what works for you.
I’ve scattered a few photos of my mommy friends (not all of which are mothers themselves) to pay tribute to these amazing women! Here are a few more! Love u ladies!
A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.- proverbs 18:24
He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm. -proverbs 13:20